18 ridiculous things you've done in your life...if you're a female

  1. Stared at your phone willing that boy to text you. He hasn't. You then make up an elaborate story as to why not. The part about him dying may be somewhat inconvenient, but shit happens, ya know.
  2. Been too hungover to function and wondered why you have no self control when it comes to... 1. drinking alcohol 2. mixing alcohol. You cocktail whore.

  3. Promised yourself you'd eat healthily all day. Until your friend suggested buying some hummus, doritos and wine. Ah, piss. Cheesy ones please.

  4. Thought you could definitely, absolutely, categorically wear those leggings with a short top. Erm, no, you can't. Put it away.

  5. Spent £10 on 53 pairs of knickers from Primark, only for them to wash twice and fall apart. You classy bird. 

  6. Bought body spray as a cheaper option to perfume. It's really not, and now you smell like a 13 year old girl that's just finished PE.

  7. Worn tights instead of shaving. Tomorrow will do.

  8. Realised you're walking the wrong way. Paused to look at your phone/watch/disappearing dignity before turning to walk the way you're actually supposed to be bloody going. Smooth.
  9. Facebook stalked someone from secondary school and wondered how they got so fat/skinny/spotty/fucking irritating.

  10. Stalked your own facebook photos. Enjoyed it. Why don't you have more friends? You seem like great fun. 

  11. Considered kicking someone in the shins for cutting a line. Then remembered you have no balls and people get killed doing that kinda shit. #staysafe

  12. Used some milk from someone elses carton in the fridge. Students, I'm looking at you.
  13. Stared at someone for too long, looked away as they caught you, awkwardly stared at others to make a point you weren't just stalking them. Even though you were.

  14. Spent far too much money in IKEA. Because, yes, I do actually need that fake house plant. Shut up.

  15. Thought that watching one more episode wouldn't hurt. Ended up going to bed at 5am. 

  16. Fancied at least two of the One Direction members and hated yourself for it.
  17. Realised someone has deleted you on Facebook. Analysed yourself to figure out where it all went wrong. Then decided you hate them too. Yay!
  18. Ordered a salad at a restaurant. With a side of fries. And wine #healthyme